“Justin Bieber Fever Kills 200 in China”

Beijing—Last Tuesday morning the virus known as “Bieber Fever” spread to unfathomable heights, killing nearly 200 pre-pubescent teens throughout Beijing.

Authorities have been lax to verify claims that China is the first country to succumb to the deadly virus but officials believe  it to have originated from a particularly virulent strain of JoBrositis, contaminating several Beijing waterways and leaving adolescent girls, closeted gay males, and single forty year old soccer moms particularly vulnerable.

When asked to describe the effects of the virus, inflicted patient Lisa Chu could only verify that, “It’s like baby, baby, baby ohh,” as she brushed the cold sweat from her chili-bowl haircut.

Official CDC chairman Simon Lee released a press statement in response to the announcement of the virus claiming that though disease control efforts in the United States have been primarily focused on containing the Pattinson Bug of ’09, officials “are determined” to prevent Bieber Fever from striking American soil.